I've always been known as the laid back one. Patient and laid back Meghann, that's me. However, as I'm getting older that is changing. I don't know exactly where it is coming from, but I don't like it. I'm becoming a perfectionist, and an ugly one at that.
Yesterday was Logan's 5th birthday. The one thing he had requested was a Wall-E birthday party, so I set about making him a Wall-E cake. I planned and agonized, and finally came up with a design. After a couple hours of work, this is the cake that I made:
I looked at it and all I could see were all the mistakes. There were dents in the happy birthday letters from using a toothpick to remove them from the stencils. Wall-E was a bit rough around the edges, and the outlining job wasn't all that great. Don't even ask me about the silver glitter I tried to use to fill in his hands and face.
But, a wise family member pointed something out to me. (Hi dad!) He pointed out that Logan is 5, and to a 5 year old, that is an AWESOME cake. Logan didn't care that the outlining wasn't perfect and the letters had dents. Wall-E was on his birthday cake! Just like he had wanted!
Looking back, I did do an ok job. (See though? I can't even bring myself to call it "good".) Logan had a great birthday, even if everything didn't go the way I had envisioned.
Tonight was even worse. I set about making homemade pasta. It turns out the dough was a pain to knead, and a pain to roll out, and a pain to cut into strips. The old Meghann would have just shrugged and plowed along, probably having a laugh at the funky shaped noodles and dough that rivaled super glue all over my hands. The me of today though was infuriated. To the point that during the pasta making I had to take not one, but two breaks to prevent me from throwing the pasta out the kitchen window. The evening culminated with an impressive moment where I responded to the hubby trying to help by ripping off his head and spitting down his neck.
I put myself in timeout for that one too.
And yet, in the end, the meal was good. Everyone ate and enjoyed it. More than one of the kids had seconds. It all turned out ok, like it usually does. I just need to figure out how to reclaim that laid back, calm, patient self that I have lost. I'm not sure how to go about that though, I'm too lazy for yoga and I hate incense.