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Friday, April 03, 2009

Parental Warfare

Don't let anyone fool you, parenting is not all fluffiness, rainbows, and glitter. There is a dark side. It's a war. One that would make even world leaders sweat. There is a reason I chose to title the blog Midget Invasion.

Yes, I love being a mom. My kids are great, and I love them. There are a lot of hugs and kisses and laughter and all of that. But there is also a deep dark underbelly. One where the kids get determined to do something they aren't supposed to, and life turns into a chess game. I spend my days trying to outsmart them and predict their next move, so I can prevent it.

Some out there might say I am over exaggerating, that kids aren't as smart as adults. I say, those people don't have kids. Kids are GENIUSES. If the Russians had given kids control of their military during the Cold War, we here in America would have been totally screwed.

The latest battle here has been over the fridge. They will. Not. Stay. Out. Of. It. It would be fine if they just got a little something, ate it, and moved on. But that's not what happens. They get way too much, make a mess, and leave it out for the younger kids to find and totally decimate. What starts off as a child innocently making a bologna sandwich ends up as carnage and chaos, complete with bologna, bread, and cheese all over the house.

You may ask where I am while this is happening. Usually it happens when I am taking the time to pee for once during the day, so in the span of just a minute or two. If wrecking a house were an Olympic sport, my kids would all be gold medalists.

We even bought a fridge that has an alarm that goes off when the door has been open past 10 seconds or so. This has tremendously helped to give warning when the little two are in the fridge. We can't use normal child proofing things because our kids can usually disable them all.

But last night. . .last night I think I won the Fridge War of 2009.

(yes, that is a bike lock. With a combination. Let's see them get around THAT.)


Jim said...

When the twins were young (2-4) they would get into their closets and pull EVERYTHING out on the floor - all clothes, shoes, EVERYTHING. Nothing worked. Until I finally got the bright idea and went and bought two wheel barrow handles and two big swivel "U" hooks. I bolted the wheelbarrow handle into the jamb on one side about five feet off the ground, using the hole drilled there to attach it to a wheelbarrow frame. And then I attached the "U" hook to the jamb at the same height on the other side. When the handle was in place across the door and into the hook, it was like securing the castle gates of yore. And it worked.

The Mrs. said...

That. is. AWESOME.

Mommy - 1
Kids - 0

One Cryptic Mama said...

Yes, but what do you do when they figure out the combo? ;-)

Lacey said...

OMG, this is too funny!!

angi said...

LOL :)
Luckily,(but NOT speaking too soon because Ava is a "dump out stuff" queen and I know anything can happen!!!) we've never had a problem with the kids and the fridge.

Meghann said...

OCM-if that happens, I am going to have them start a locksmith business.

Angi-lol! It is always the youngest one that likes to throw you for a loop, so watch out!