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Sunday, June 20, 2010

A Season of Change

Earlier this year, the hubby had a chance at getting a certain job within the Army. It was a teaching job, and would have meant years of stability for us, which in the military is a priceless thing. The opportunity fell through, and we were, obviously, disappointed. When that happened, I formed a new dream. You see, the hubby's contract is about to expire with the Army, and we had been talking about the possibility of him not renewing. My brain latched on to that dream and held it tight. We love where we live right now. We have awesome neighbors, an amazing house, and the area we're in is relatively safe, and very homeschooling friendly. It's perfect for us here.

So, I had this dream. A dream where we could be like, NORMAL. Normal people who can choose where they live, and the hubby working for an employer that couldn't just decide on a whim to send him to a war zone. It was a beautiful dream.

A dream that in the past week, was stomped on, set on fire, thrown out the window, and run over by a truck. In short, that dream isn't happening. I. . .have not responded very well to this I must say. Adulthood kind of slapped me in the face this week and I really didn't like it.

(Tangent-Look, I know the economy sucks and healthcare sucks, and the military is getting so full that they're turning people away and the hubby is lucky to have such a steady job and health insurance, yadda yadda yadda. Dude, y'all, I KNOW. Sometimes your brain knowing something is best, isn't enough.)

So, the hubby is reenlisting. He was given a few options for where we could go. The options were ones we ended up agonizing over, for days. We probably would have taken even longer deciding, but the hubby doesn't have time to waste if he wants to reenlist, as the window for getting to do that is closing. Our options were A.) Me and the kids stay here while the hubby goes to Korea for a year, then he would be restationed where we already are. This is known as the "Money option". Korea would be extra pay and we'd get to stay in our house longer and build some more equity. B.) Get stationed at a base very close to my family. This is the "Family option". With the family option, we'd be only 2 hours away from my dad, grandparents, and various aunts and uncles. I realized while we were discussing this option that I haven't lived in the same state as my dad since I was 5 years old. This option was really really really appealing to me. Getting to live near family is a rare luxury in the military. C.) The hubby gets stationed at one of the Army's cooler bands. This is the "Job option". His job would be getting the oportunity to play for foreign dignitaries and inaugurations and stuff. Also, the location of the base itself is in a really pretty area close to a lot of neat things. (and is only 10 minutes down the road from the teaching job we had been pining over.)

It was quite a quandary. The stress of it was enough that I mostly just wanted to hide under the covers with a bowl of ice cream until it all went away. I even completely broke down one night, crying so hard my sinuses still don't feel right, 4 days later. All I could think was "I DON'T WANT THIS." I wanted my dream. My reality though was having to choose between my family, my husband getting to have a cool job, or getting to stay in the area and house I love so much, but there was that whole thing of living yet another year apart from my husband.

It sucked, y'all.

Friday night the decision was made. We're sticking with it, even though it hurts not getting to choose the other options. We went with option C. I just can't send my husband away for a year, and while I love my family, I don't want to make my husband work in a job where he's unhappy just so I can live near them. I don't think anyone would win that way.

It was interesting to see that I actually did go through the grieving process over this past week. Lots of denial, then bargaining, then anger. Now I'm kind of floating in the depression phase, trying to push myself into the acceptance phase. I am forcing myself to try to be excited. Hopefully I'll get there. Hopefully it will be before we move, because that is supposed to happen in about 6 months, and we are nowhere near ready to move that quickly. I need to get excited so I'll have the motivation to get stuff done. For now though, I can probably be found under the covers, eating ice cream.


The Mrs. said...

I have never had to made decisions like the ones you were faced with let alone in such a speedy time frame. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been making that decision, I'm keeping you in my prayers that this new transition is a smooth one for all of you. One day at a time, friend!

Jim said...

That was hard.

No BS.

I'm proud of you, and understand. Not like YOU understand, but I understand.

I love you all. Remember - the NUMBER ONE thing you can NEVER do is make a decision that renders the family asunder. I've done that decision. It sucked. Don't make the same decision.

Hang in there. Looking forward to seeing you next month!

monstergirlee said...

I wish I was nearby to bring you some of my favorite, Baskin-Robbins mint chocolate chip.
I do not envy you trying to decide. I hope it works out good for you all.

Lacey said...

We just recently went through a similar decision with Bryan retraining. It meant giving up my fabulous medical team and a job I love, etc. BUT Bryan is moving into a job that he LOVES and will in turn make life at home so much more enjoyable. Being an adult does suck sometimes though, especially when you throw the military in there.