Taking the blog down a notch tonight for a more serious post. There has been a major life event going on for the past few months. Really, longer than that, but it all came to a head recently. I didn't blog about it before because it's very personal and does not just involve me. Also, I didn't know how things were going to end, and I didn't want to say anything until I knew.
I'll just come out with it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. A few months ago, my marriage almost ended. I won't get into the hows and whys. That stuff is not blog-worthy, for obvious reasons.
I talk about the hubby on here a lot, and I always make sure to put him in a positive light, because once something is out there on the internet, it is there forever. I really think before I post things, so there won't be regrets later.
Me and the hubby have done everything "wrong" in our marriage. We eloped after not knowing each other very long, we started having kids almost right away. The odds have been stacked against us from the beginning. We got some encouragement and advice from a few people when we were newlyweds that has stayed with us through the years, however. One was the hubby's grandfather. We were riding with him in the car, just the three of us. He told us that him and Jeremy's grandmother's marriage wasn't supposed to last either. He choked up and didn't say a whole lot more, but he didn't have to. We knew he was rooting for us. A month later we visited my great-grandparents. In their 90's, and married for practically forever. (When they died, they had been married for almost 72 years) My great-grandmother's sage advice was "Just take it one day at a time".
That one phrase has actually gotten our marriage really far. That, and the need to prove people wrong. The ability to say "Yeah, we did everything wrong. So what?"
So I've been taking it one day at a time, especially the past year or so. Some of those one days involved the hubby not living here. At the time, we didn't know for how long. All we knew was that we needed time to step into our separate corners. I was amazed at how much that did. The ability to step outside of things and think "Now what?" It paved the way for a night during that time, when the hubby came over to visit the kids, and we stayed up late talking. Talking like we haven't talked since we were first dating ten years ago. The kind of talking that reminds you "So THIS is why I chose to be with you."
Some more time went on, and the hubby ended up back under the same roof. Things were very shaky for some time. We were taking baby steps and holding things together. Enough that we celebrated our 10 year marriage anniversary in May. Those "One day at a time"s have added up to quite a bit.
I think the hubby can attest that there has been a big difference lately. That difference is that we are both trying again, making a real effort at the relationship. We had both stopped before, and I think it was a huge contributor to the sense of hopelessness about things. The dark tunnel that I didn't think there was going to be a light at the end of.
So we're trying. And even now he's at work and I actually miss him, which as sad as this is, is a feeling I haven't had in quite some time. So I am daring to hope. One day at a time.