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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

These roots, they go deep

Anyone that knows me, knows that I can be funny about change. If it's something sudden, I tend to throw myself into things without a second thought. (for example, me and the hubby eloping) But when I have time to think about things before hand, I have a much harder time with it.

Today was the kids' last day of school. When I first woke up today, I thought "Thank goodness, I can sleep in tomorrow!" I have been ready for them to be done for over a week now. But once I actually got to the school, I started to feel differently. Lindsay had a little thing in her pre-k class, (which will get its own post later) and as I sat through it, I started feeling sad. I was actually feeling reluctant for it to end. We left that, and went to wait for Ryan to get out of his class, and then we started saying our goodbyes. Goodbyes to teachers like Ryan's pre-k teacher, who we talk to often, and always has a hug for Ryan, even though he was her student four years ago. Goodbyes to the crossing guard, who has been the same one almost the entire time we've walked to and from that school, and knows all the kids' names, and always has something funny to say. And goodbyes to that walk home itself, knowing it is a walk we won't take again. And it was hard. I put on a brave face for the kids though, as they were excited about it being the last day.

I am starting to realize that moving isn't going to be all that it is cracked up to be. With all the deployments and everything, I have spent my time here not being able to wait to leave. When we found out that we really were getting to leave, I was ecstatic. Excited to move to a place where the hubby will actually get to be around for his kids for more than a year at a time. The excitement is starting to fade a bit though, as some reality sets in.

I have lived in Texas almost my whole life. With the exception of a few friends sprinkled here and there throughout the country, everyone and everything I know is here. As much as I have told myself I have hated living here at Fort Hood, here is where two of my kids were born. I complain about how crappy the house we live in is, yet this is also the house Logan and Hannah took their first steps in. When I moved in, Ryan was 3, Lindsay was 1, and I was pregnant with Logan. My mom was actually still alive, and was the one who helped me move in since the hubby was deployed. It will be hard to leave.

I know we can't stay. Staying would mean the hubby would deploy again in January, and I know the pain from that would be much worse. But I think that doesn't mean that my eyes will be dry when we drive away from here.

4 comments:

Lorie said...

Change is inevitable. The kids will be more well rounded having to go through this, and you have them to help you through it. I hope you have a fantastic summer closer to the beach, and that the new memories will be the best ones yet. I can hardly wait to visit you. Me/hubs will definitely miss you guys!

The Mrs. said...

Major change is tough for me too, Meghann. We have no immediate plans to move, but the thought of the possibility of that makes me cringe. This was our first house, the house we brought our girls home too, where all of their early major milestones took place. I don't think the hubby would agree, but I could live here forever.

Maybe I'll change my mind when the girls get older. Afterall - we only have one full bath and I can't imagine how that will work with me and two teenaged daughters getting ready at the same time! =)

Just remember - you'll have so many great memories to make in your new house!

Michelle said...

I remember leaving the USMC base in 29 Palms, CA. I hated it there... hated the desert, the heat, the bleakness of the landscape, the earthquakes, being so far from family, being so alone every time Mike deployed. I was so ready to get out of there but I cried as we left because it was also the place we started our family, where we learned to rely on one another, where we grew up as a couple and where we made some great friends. Change can be hard but it can be such a good thing too. I miss those days although I don't miss the desert but I wouldn't go back for the life of me... I look at everything I have now and know it wouldn't be like it is if we never changed.

(((HUGS)))

angi said...

my eyes are not dry just reaidng about it...