Today is an anniversary of sorts. Not really a happy one, but definitely one that was life-changing, as things that deserve anniversaries usually are. Today last year was the day my water broke when I was pregnant with Hannah. I was 29 weeks and 3 days pregnant.
Thus started a chain of events that do not make happy memories in my mind, although the culmination of them all 16 days later was a very happy event, the birth of a healthy Hannah.
I spent 16 days in the hospital on strict bed rest. Those 16 days are a blur of nurses, crossword puzzles, bedpans, TV, IV's, NST's, bad hospital food that actually became the highlight of my day, and being so bored and scared I broke down in tears multiple times. I spent most days alone, except for the nurses who would check on me every so often. "Any contractions?" "No." "Fever?" "No." "Pain?" "No." "Baby moving ok?" "Yes." "Ok, see you again in a few hours."
Am I thankful that I was able to hold her in that long? Yes, of course. Not many people get that much time. The dr. said most people give birth within 48 hours. You are lucky to make it to one week. I made it more than two. But as happy as I am now, there were some very dark times in that hospital bed. Times where I just wanted her to be out so I could get out of my little prison. I wanted to be able to shower when I wanted. See the sun. (my bed was not by the window) I spent a lot of time wavering between hating being in that bed, to berating myself for even thinking of not wanting to keep the baby in as long as possible.
I was lucky to have a very kind and patient OB. He bore the brunt of my frustrations a lot and took it in stride. I was worried. For my baby, for my husband and children who were without me for the first time, and for my own sanity. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, and I've gone through a lot.
But, looking back, my sweet girl was worth it in the end. And hey, it gives me a ton of ammo for guilt trips when she is a teenager. "Do you know how long I had to lay in that hospital bed with you?!" Teehee.