About rugrats, minivans, The South, photography, farmer's markets, puberty, Army, snotty noses, blankies, movies, hugs, autism, make believe, homeschooling, sibling rivalry, car seats, weather, in-laws, scribbles, marriage, and somewhere in there, a stoned British reporter.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Honesty

Hey look! I'm still alive!

So. SO. A lot has happened here in my neck of the woods since I last posted. Things that deserve their own posts, and they will get them. Things like a baby animal living in my boobs (long story!), and birthdays that resulted in Hannah turning four, and me turning. . .30.

During the time I was "away" I had found a new group of friends on the internet. A different niche out there that I fit very well into. Within a few months, I made some fast friends, and would spend parts of my day chatting with them in a chat room, and really reveling in the fact I was getting to talk to adults. Adults that I had a lot in common with, mentally. (Meaning, sarcasm and "That's what she said" jokes were rampant.)

And then, there there was "teh dramaz", as there always is eventually on the internet. Usually I am able to coast through it, waiting for it to end to see what the fallout is. This time, however, I was deeply involved.

Tangent- here is where I should admit something. Underneath this hard crunchy exterior, I am a pile of goo. A naive pile of goo at times, even. I take people at face value, and I always have. If someone presents themselves a certain way, I believe it. Especially when it is a friend. I believe my friends when they tell me things. I am someone that values honesty and trust A LOT. I am also someone that sees my online friends as REAL friends. I think the internet has been a highly valuable tool for people like me, who are a bit socially inept. I am able to make friends easier, and by the time I get to meet someone in person, we have been talking long enough online that we know each other, and things aren't awkward. (or if I am awkward, they know me well enough from online correspondence to know to ignore it, that I'm just awkward sometimes.) I am inherently an honest person, and I just expect the same in return from my friends.

Well, when the drama exploded, people that I had thought were good friends, it turned out, were not. I had been lied to quite a bit, and I got pretty hurt. Hurt enough that I quit that social circle all together, and I was completely away from the internet for almost a week. I'm inching back in, but I am being very careful about where I go and what I do. (even by writing up this blog post, I am delaying having to check my main email. There are emails in it from the whole drama thing that I haven't read yet, and it's made me dread opening it at all. But I know I have to, because that *is* my main account after all, and I may have email there that I WANT to read.)

So that's where I've been. I'm being cautious with how much I interact online, and I hope that you all out there can understand why. I just still need some time to be unconnected I think, to regroup, and figure out how much I want to be online, and what my purposes in being so will be.

I still love every one of you, though. Honest.

3 comments:

Jim said...

"I still love every one of you, though. Honest."

Gorsh! Even ME?

That's sayin' a lot!

Sarahnthegirls said...

Thinking about you guys.

marsanderson said...

I miss you, girl. I'm usually on gtalk with the same username if you ever want to chat. <3