A lot of people know that Hannah is our last child. There have been too many complications with each pregnancy, and we realized that another child would be more risk than we're willing to take. And it would more than likely mean bedrest for me. My husband found out the hard way when I was in the hospital before Hannah was born that I don't handle being told to "Sit and stay" very well. I was going stir crazy. There is only so much HGTV you can watch before you have the sensation that your brain is about to make a break for it to save itself. Although I am now confident I probably have enough knowledge to start an interior home design company.
Anyways, after Hannah was born we made the decision to not have any more children a permanent one. We were totally cool with it till the day the procedure making it permanent happened. Then we realized we were not so ok. But we were responsible adults and went through with it anyways.
Now with Hannah everything has such significance. She had cereal for the first time the other night, and I had Ryan with me to watch and share my excitement. But it was so strange. Something that benign became so painful. As silly as it sounds, I couldn't help thinking that this was the last time I would be feeding a baby of mine cereal for the first time. Funny the things that get to you.
I try to focus on what lays ahead. Watching these kids grow into adults, and moving on into the next stage of our lives. A stage where no one poops in their pants or uses one of my body parts for nourishment. A stage where I might actually start to feel more like a person again. But it's still hard to let go of where we are now.
A lot of talk has happened around here lately about how many kids they are going to have some day. (they started it, not me) So far, Ryan wants 5. I told him that part of how many he had would have to do with his wife, and he said "Oh, she'll want 5 too." I had to snicker about that. And Lindsay has stated that she wants 3. The one thing that she said that really touched me was "When I grow into a mommy I am going to grow more babies for you."
So that's what I have to look forward to. Being a grandma. Having those babies over and giving them cake for breakfast, and french fries for dinner, and letting them stay up as late as they want. And then sending them home to their parents, the very people who have been keeping ME up the past few years. Ah, sweet revenge. I can't wait. It should be a great time in my life, one where I get to be around babies again, but also get to watch my grown children get their payback. Sweet.